The Two Of Me…

Sometimes I feel that I am the two of myself!

There is this one who’s shy, cocooned in her hard shell

Perceptive, susceptible to get hurt and vulnerable

There is another tough one, out to fight the world and excel

 

There is one who has little room for unworthy emotions

Replaced by focused rationale and transactions

Yet the other one refuses to write-off selfless affection

And preserves tears for compassion and devotion

 

Hard facts over fables anytime

No prose no poetry, just reason to rhyme

Words entrenched with fervor still awake me, midnight

Verses flow over the pad like a flooded river, in my twin paradigm

 

Keeping pace with advancements, enjoying the milieu though feign

Plug n play with gizmos, multichannel devices turning insane

Yet longing to soak in sun n first shower of rain

Serenaded by the birds chirp, feeling the dew on the windowpane

 

Opening my eyes to the reality is life’s doctrine

Also, keeping them shut to continue my dream

Detached from crowd, can’t stretch to masses and middling

Still those astute yet innocent faces I find endearing

 

Power and fame stopped impressing me long ago

But bylines by folks why feed my distinguished ego

Demon of success still fills me with magnitude

Yet peace and serenity comes from soulful solitude

 

Submitting to shackles in the name of safety

Confining to compromise be the formula of harmony

Yet a free spirit infuses need for autonomy

Feet ready to groove all night on the trance symphony

 

Curious like a little child, ready to explore life

Marveling at enigmatic world, vulnerable and naïve

Yet holding the universe of experience in my gaze

To question the rubrics and offer answers in haze

 

The soft breeze with an ability to turn a windmill

Imperious though passionate, spark with fire concealed

Solid though permeable, malleable yet brittle

Is this the two of me …………..

or just me in metamorphosis, in qua of being dual

 

Calling….

After fifteen years, I realized why she had cautioned me.

We all have fire inside us!  We all desire to quench our childlike curiosity. We have ability to dare, to learn and practice new things. But as we grow we are taught to follow the prefigured system and make safe choices instead of following our heart. Before we realize we have already fallen prey to the snare laid across the paths already stridden and thence our fire is extinguished. So was mine.

I was happily married with two beautiful children and a caring spouse who was ascending the corporate ladder successfully. I too had a decent part time job to keep myself busy and contended till my children were away to school.

What more can one ask for!

It was a life of most of us and there was nothing wrong with it. However, in the midst of all this, I was restless…… I was happy, contented, going with the flow yet restive!

What happened to my promise I made to Achala!

Where was that little girl who had dreams in her eyes and a warrior’s spirit to realize them.

A suffragette by birth who wrote a poem at sixteen, waging her war against God for not giving women an equal status in the world, while her classmates were batting eye lashes to potential baits.

What was my Calling…..So I picked up my pen after several years and wrote again that night.

Calling….

I am walking in a crowd

With myriad of people around

Walking in different directions, at different pace

As if it was a race

 

There are moments of achievements

There are moments of togetherness

There is mist and there’s fog

There’s fear of getting lost

 

While making some and am breaking some rules

Getting my applaud and also getting ridiculed

An angst, a desire

There’s hope n there’s despair

 

A strange restlessness, something I need to attain

It’s a life we all live, not that I complain

It’s a bitter sweet journey with loved ones, yet there’s a pain

A longing for something, a feeling of vain

 

Want to find my path, my stance and life’s pure meaning

Why I am here, where do I belong and what’s my true calling

Oh tell me, up there, show me my goal

Take my hand and lead me, closer to my soul !!