A Queer Boy Next Door

TOGETHER let’s make this world an equal and inclusive place!

Why wasn’t I heaven sent
Life just pushed me to a lonely descend
Weight of unsolved questions
Tied with my raveled knots
I was left to fight and fend

While those around me
Had it simple and straight
A natural tryst, a social norm
Gravitating effortlessly towards each other

I longed for that feeling
A gaze that beguiled
A touch that set my heart pulsating
Dribbled coloures in my listless life
No flutter, no quiver, no arousal
ever I felt, surrounded with
the most alluring ones in sight

Aching for love, desire
Un-quenched, nothing kindled my fire

And then that accidental touch
twirled my core, twanged some strings
My heart just soared
Rousing my whole being

A buddy, my playmate
I had known for years
Never did I fathom
could en flame the feeling
I was looking for, elsewhere

How I wanted that again
And how I hated wanting it
Guilt, self-loathing , deprecating
A queer truth it was, I wished to refrain

How I could tell them, my want was pure,
A sweet lust, finally firing my allure.
But why! Oh hell why me!

It must be my mother, who failed to care
Handed dolls to play with,
dressed me up like a girl
Or that kin, indulging me on sweets
His wandering hands, wanton touch
The price I paid for my puerile greed

My teacher? who loved my golden curls
Favoured me with a lassie’s role in the school theatre
Often she told me, am pretty like a girl
They all damaged me beyond repair

I wanted to be like most
Yet yearned to set free my ghost
To do the things that pleased my heart
To express myself as it felt no harm
But my right was this world’s wrong

Behind my back, how they leer
Sting my back sour,
their gestures and sneers
A stigma to the clan, am cut lose
My own parents think
I am the result of their past life sins

Can you imagine
living a life of a personified curse
A disgrace to those who brought me to this world
Ridiculed by this society, my friends, one and all

I wanted to die
And end this ordeal
Praying to be reborn normal,
I stood on the edge of that cliff
Mustering the courage to embrace death
to bury those fiery dreams with me
I was never meant to realize

Soft breeze, a light drizzle
And a perfect moment
to end for a new start
Just then a soft whisper
Quavered my senses
“There’s nothing wrong with you sweetheart
Just a little different from the rest, we are
Made for each other, though in this world a misfit
We are forever Together in it “

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