The First Kiss

Still so succulently warm

That I can feel the moist dew

On my lips as it seeps through

Surreal, as it whelms my senses

Swells my heart, stirs my soul

Staying forever, safely treasured in my core

 

The wonder of the first is…

It’s the longest you ever kiss

From the conception in your mind

With the cognisance of its existence

The fantasies of its conjecture

The desire to feel it on one’s virgin lips.

 

Seeding the imagination of the unknown

The hunger you’d never known

Is it ambrosial and may satiate?

Or aphrodisiac that may invigorate !

The delicious, amorous,

Euphoric and ecstatic

Yearning to taste the untasted.

Such is the first kiss.

 

It goes beyond the lips

Freezes you and melts you at the same time

An ice flake that tickles down

And lava that engulfs your whole being

Fire that may besiege

It doesn’t end there

 

The fantasy of the first kiss,

Lingers on, the endless times

You keep playing it in your mind

The eternal feeling that’s never repeated

Even if you kiss thereafter a zillion times

That’s the magic of first kiss

 

And then we met

And felt the urge

To unleash the longing

Of thirsty lips

Before I could conjure up

The fantasies of years

Invoke the hankering

I nursed for a period

Serenade my soul

To warm my being

To feel the feeling

of my dream

There it was planted

Brusque and terse

It happened

Oh did it

Was it… my first kiss

 

No that wasn’t it

It was the second, then the third and the nth

So on and so forth…over the days , months years

I stopped counting

But the one I had treasured

The mystic one I lived on

Am still aching for…My first

That never happened !

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A Queer Boy Next Door

TOGETHER let’s make this world an equal and inclusive place!

Why wasn’t I heaven sent
Life just pushed me to a lonely descend
Weight of unsolved questions
Tied with my raveled knots
I was left to fight and fend

While those around me
Had it simple and straight
A natural tryst, a social norm
Gravitating effortlessly towards each other

I longed for that feeling
A gaze that beguiled
A touch that set my heart pulsating
Dribbled coloures in my listless life
No flutter, no quiver, no arousal
ever I felt, surrounded with
the most alluring ones in sight

Aching for love, desire
Un-quenched, nothing kindled my fire

And then that accidental touch
twirled my core, twanged some strings
My heart just soared
Rousing my whole being

A buddy, my playmate
I had known for years
Never did I fathom
could en flame the feeling
I was looking for, elsewhere

How I wanted that again
And how I hated wanting it
Guilt, self-loathing , deprecating
A queer truth it was, I wished to refrain

How I could tell them, my want was pure,
A sweet lust, finally firing my allure.
But why! Oh hell why me!

It must be my mother, who failed to care
Handed dolls to play with,
dressed me up like a girl
Or that kin, indulging me on sweets
His wandering hands, wanton touch
The price I paid for my puerile greed

My teacher? who loved my golden curls
Favoured me with a lassie’s role in the school theatre
Often she told me, am pretty like a girl
They all damaged me beyond repair

I wanted to be like most
Yet yearned to set free my ghost
To do the things that pleased my heart
To express myself as it felt no harm
But my right was this world’s wrong

Behind my back, how they leer
Sting my back sour,
their gestures and sneers
A stigma to the clan, am cut lose
My own parents think
I am the result of their past life sins

Can you imagine
living a life of a personified curse
A disgrace to those who brought me to this world
Ridiculed by this society, my friends, one and all

I wanted to die
And end this ordeal
Praying to be reborn normal,
I stood on the edge of that cliff
Mustering the courage to embrace death
to bury those fiery dreams with me
I was never meant to realize

Soft breeze, a light drizzle
And a perfect moment
to end for a new start
Just then a soft whisper
Quavered my senses
“There’s nothing wrong with you sweetheart
Just a little different from the rest, we are
Made for each other, though in this world a misfit
We are forever Together in it “

Courage is a luxury!

Courage is a luxury!

For those who ain’t got a choice
And for many it’s a way of life

The one who barters her body
And mortgages her soul
Every night
To buy…
A new lease of life
For her cancer bedeviled mother
Hope for her siblings
By paying for the hovel’s roof, school and food
Love and affection of her father
Fending for his daily alcohol appetite
Every morning
Stitching her tattered vagina
Innumerable miscarriages be the collateral damage,
She lives, yet a part of her dies
Courage to her is, quintessential !

A War hero
With a glass eye and a wooden hand
Crippled halfway down
Battered by a hidden landmine
Patriotism still beating his aging heart
Honesty still brimming through his veins
His glorious memories of battlefield, keeping him alive
Yet often rebuked by kith and kin, living off his pension
For never putting himself before the countrymen
Courage for him is a, hyperbolic expression!

And many more…
A slum dweller,
Choosing honest labour in the harsh sun
An impaired man, learning skills over asking for alms
An acid attack survivor, spreading smiles through her scarred, burnt face
A revolutionary poet, a fireman, a selfless activist…
Waking up each day, sticking their neck out
taking upon the challenge to bring a change
Starting with their wattle and daub
Fighting fires, radiating joy, standing up for each right cause
So many …
Not breaking, not bending, rising against all odds
Courage to them is, elemental !

For rest of us
Living a thousand lies
Camouflaging mediocrity under the la-di-da
Seeking refuge in ersatz emoticons
Basking in our faux pride
The battles are trivial
The triumphs are fake
Social media full of causeless war cries
Clueless, mindless, shying away from reality
Often we seek approval from ‘comments and likes’
Courage for us is, just adrenaline !